Fuck Dating… For Now

I decided about a week ago to take a complete break from men for a while. No dates, no Bumble swiping, no sex, no flirting, no texting, no mental energy invested into any of that in any way for at least a month. I think when you get caught up in actively trying to date, you don’t realise how much of a fucking drain it is on you and the only way to describe how I feel about it all right now is burned out.

I moved to Austin with naive hope that getting out of LA was going to be the answer and that I’d find it so easy to meet someone here, but I was wrong and I’ve definitely tried too hard to make it work. The past few months have honestly been exhausting. I met someone who I really liked a lot but it went down in flames because we were just not in the same place in life and that made me fucking sad, and then I bounced immediately to someone who seemed cool but turned out to be not so cool and who then made trying to end things with him so unreasonably stupid and stressful and dragged it out for longer than we even knew each other for. It took going on a Bumble date last week with a guy who seemed genuinely great for me to realise “Holy fuck I actually just can’t do this right now with anyone, my brain is fried and I need a goddamn break.”

We spend so much of our lives feeling like we’re supposed to find “the one”, that being in a relationship is the happy thing and being single is the sad thing and, even worse, that if we don’t have a partner there’s something wrong with us, that we’re flawed, not good enough or unworthy. When you’re single and alone and wishing you had someone it’s easy to forget that so many people who are in relationships are miserable, they’re fighting, they’re getting cheated on, they’re having a whole world of drama that us single people don’t have to worry about and having the title “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” in your life doesn’t suddenly mean everything is nice and good and you live happily ever after.

Dating has gotta be the biggest drain on me emotionally, when I like someone it CONSUMES me and I spend so much time obsessing over whether they like me too and overanalysing texts and checking to see if they’re watching my IG stories and it just drives me down into this pit of anxiety and uncertainty and self-doubt, and for what?! It ends up not even being fun. I think about all the workouts I’ve skipped, all the days I’ve slacked off on work because I was too busy being anxious on the couch about some guy who hadn’t texted me back yet and god it’s so frustrating! It takes such a toll on your mental health and I’m TIRED of it!

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I’m just like, man, my life is fucking cool, I have a lot of friends who love me, many who are also single, I love where I live and I’m financially secure and I get to do fun shit all the time. I’m really actively working on reframing my thoughts from the negative, “Waaah I’m so sad that I don’t have a boyfriend to share this with, woe is me” to a more optimistic, “My life rocks and I’m excited to one day meet the right person to share it with but for now I’m actually fine.” I had a great Super Bowl weekend out on my friend’s family ranch and kept thinking to myself, “It’s going to have to be someone really great for me to welcome them into all the things I do” because right now I’m genuinely cool with being single.

I feel so calm and peaceful since I made this decision last week, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m excited to spend this month focusing on fitness and friends and foster kittens and Patreon and ME.

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12 thoughts on “Fuck Dating… For Now

  1. Have you ever been diagnosed with atelophobia?

    I was talking with my therapists today bout what you’re talking about and was told that it comes into pay with people, like me whom have it.

    Either way. You’re a beautiful person and you deserve a beautiful life.

    Here’s wishing you the best.

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  2. Robert Aymond says:

    Just wanted to write & say I stumbled across your IG account today & somehow found you had a blog so I’ve read a lot of it. You are a “keep it real” person who leads an interesting life. You have a real gift when it comes to writing & can truly “ paint a picture” when describing a situation you’re going through. Like how sad you were when giving away the kittens to homes you knew were best for each of them in the long run. That hit home with me, but it was a dog that I had to put down due to cancer: I hope everything works out great for you. I hope you heal up fine, you find a good man who loves you for your great mind, body, outlook on life, confidence, & gifted ability to articulate your thoughts & feelings so fluidly & with empathy. You deserve that. What a shame I’ll never get to meet you in person! Our lives are worlds apart & to think that could ever happen is only wishful thinking. I’ll say hello from time to time on Twitter or IG, but mostly I’ll just fade away, if I make it past a day in your memory at all. So I’ll leave you on a positive note: May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. Godspeed!
    Rob

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  3. bladethunderbolt says:

    I’m kinda dreading the day when I actually want to ‘meet someone’. Everything about relationships and the persuit thereof seems so mentally taxing and stressful, I love not giving a fuck right now. I always tell people they don’t NEED anyone else and should be happy on their own, but I guess people are just in a different state of mind, so they disagree.

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  4. Liz says:

    I fucking love “it’s going to have to be someone really great for me to welcome them into all the things I do”. This is the energy I need.

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  5. Mando R. says:

    Honestly I feel you but see the thing is when you stop giving a dam about dating is when you truly become yourself. You just don’t care about what other people think and you just live for yourself and that is when that one person you come across acutely genuinely like you for you. Why? Because you don’t care and that’s great. People now adays try so hard to find someone but it just doesn’t happen like that they find you!! Be single and be yourself because someone out their will find you being real is all they need in life. Trust me been with my girlfriend for 7 years now this feb 21st and she is my soul mate. So I hope someone good comes your way!!

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  6. Trey says:

    Totally agree with the mind set youre trying to achieve. I loved being single and having the freedom to do what i want and the time to do things that made me happy. And it took me a while to realise that. I was constantly going back to my ex for a while when deep down i should have seen that she didnt really want to be with me and i was doing what you said stressing wondering if she was in to me or looking at my socials and stuff and when i finally thought fuck it i dont need this i got way happier. I did me and loved it and randomly found a partner and now we have a cool little family and though we have our ups and downs its something with both work at.

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  7. Brad says:

    dating is overrated. there is no reason to force yourself into a relationship. stop worrying about societal pressures to be with someone and just enjoy life.

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  8. willie benabe says:

    Amen… Take care your self first and enjoy life to the fullest and when the time is right you will find the right person for you. Who appreciate you for who you are.

    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

    Like

  9. Sean says:

    There is no fate or goal, but there is magic. It is a subtle thing that is woven in our choices and our dreams. The path is always in shadow and moonlight, but it is there if you can find it.

    I have stumbled through the social side of life. I admire those that risk the heartache and stress many can see in relationships. I am in awe of those that keep finding the magic many years down the road of one too.

    A large part of feeling drained by the process made sense, and the feeling of wanting to share the adventure too. I wish you luck and that you may find a lantern if you go back to the battlefield.

    May the world give you reason to smile and your friends stories best saved as blackmail material or jokes.

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  10. You are right. Dating is a stressful thing…after going through a difficult relationship experience I am not sure if I believe in the concept of “the one”. I think most people just settle and I don’t want to just settle. I am okay with being alone right now although the pain of my last relationship still haunts me and I don’t think it will ever get easier putting it behind me.

    Like

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