I decided about a week ago to take a complete break from men for a while. No dates, no Bumble swiping, no sex, no flirting, no texting, no mental energy invested into any of that in any way for at least a month. I think when you get caught up in actively trying to date, you don’t realise how much of a fucking drain it is on you and the only way to describe how I feel about it all right now is burned out.
I moved to Austin with naive hope that getting out of LA was going to be the answer and that I’d find it so easy to meet someone here, but I was wrong and I’ve definitely tried too hard to make it work. The past few months have honestly been exhausting. I met someone who I really liked a lot but it went down in flames because we were just not in the same place in life and that made me fucking sad, and then I bounced immediately to someone who seemed cool but turned out to be not so cool and then made trying to end things with him so unreasonably stupid and stressful and dragged it out for longer than we even knew each other for. It took going on a Bumble date last week with a guy who seemed genuinely great for me to realise “Holy fuck I actually just can’t do this right now with anyone, my brain is fried and I need a goddamn break.”
We spend so much of our lives feeling like we’re supposed to find “the one”, that being in a relationship is the happy thing and being single is the sad thing and, even worse, that if we don’t have a partner there’s something wrong with us, that we’re flawed, not good enough or unworthy. When you’re single and alone and wishing you had someone it’s easy to forget that so many people who are in relationships are miserable, they’re fighting, they’re getting cheated on, they’re having a whole world of drama that us single people don’t have to worry about and having the title “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” in your life doesn’t suddenly mean everything is nice and good and you live happily ever after.
Dating has gotta be the biggest drain on me emotionally, when I like someone it CONSUMES me and I spend so much time obsessing over whether they like me too and overanalysing texts and checking to see if they’re watching my IG stories and it just drives me down into this pit of anxiety and uncertainty and self-doubt, and for what?! It ends up not even being fun. I think about all the workouts I’ve skipped, all the days I’ve slacked off on work because I was too busy being anxious on the couch about some guy who hadn’t texted me back yet and god it’s so frustrating! It takes such a toll on your mental health and I’m TIRED of it!
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I’m just like, man, my life is fucking cool, I have a lot of friends who love me, many who are also single, I love where I live and I’m financially secure and I get to do fun shit all the time. I’m really actively working on reframing my thoughts from the negative, “Waaah I’m so sad that I don’t have a boyfriend to share this with, woe is me” to a more optimistic, “My life rocks and I’m excited to one day meet the right person to share it with but for now I’m actually fine.” I had a great Super Bowl weekend out on my friend’s family ranch and kept thinking to myself, “It’s going to have to be someone really great for me to welcome them into all the things I do” because right now I’m genuinely cool with being single.
I feel so calm and peaceful since I made this decision last week, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m excited to spend this month focusing on fitness and friends and foster kittens and Patreon and ME.