Beauty is Pain

(Note: I wasn’t planning on writing this until I was fully healed but I’m five days post op and legitimately feel like I’m going crazy from boredom so here goes)

Cosmetic surgery is a very strange experience. You spend your whole adult life hating a part of your body, poking and pulling and analysing it from different angles every time you step out of the shower and then you decide to change it and suddenly you’re standing naked in the mirror the night before your surgery thinking “This is the last time I’m going to look like this” and you almost feel a sense of loss because wishing it was different has become such a deeply ingrained part of your routine.

This blog is taking me longer than normal to write because I have to keep standing up to take breaks. I’m currently kneeling on a fluffy cushioned ottoman, resting my elbows on a pillow on my kitchen bench while trying to type this out on my Macbook because for the next few weeks, I am unable to sit down in a chair, confined to only kneeling, standing, and laying flat on my stomach. Last Thursday, I went through a procedure known as a Brazilian Butt Lift.

I’m sure a majority of you reading this have no idea what that means, and are picturing something far more dramatic than the reality – in my experience, a lot of men tend to always assume the most extreme cases when hearing about cosmetic procedures. I can’t even keep track of how many times I’ve mentioned lip injections and had a barrage of guys yell “No! Don’t do that! I hate lip injections, they always make you look like a duck!”, not realising that they’ve literally never seen me without lip fillers and the way I have them placed keeps my pout looking full but natural. With that in mind, I feel like many of you have seen the words “butt lift” and are imagining me with some kind of giant Nicki Minaj Kim Kardashain ass.

The BBL is a fat grafting treatment, it doesn’t use implants or any foreign material, it just uses your own body fat. I had my entire torso (stomach, back & sides) plus my inner thighs and flanks liposuctioned and had that fat grafted back on to my hips and ass. To be completely honest, in the beginning I mostly just wanted the fat on my lower stomach removed. Even at my thinnest and fittest, I carried a pouch of fat on my abdomen and around my belly button that just wouldn’t budge, and believe me when I say that I’ve tried everything. That pouch of fat has fucking plagued me for my entire life. But only getting lipo on one small area ran the risk of making my body look uneven, so it made sense to do my whole torso and get the small, snatched waistline I dreamed of. And at that point, like my surgeon said, if you’re gonna take fat out you might as well use it so I decided to fill in the hip dips I’d always been so self-conscious of that I edited them out of every photo, and use the rest to get a little more fullness in my ass.

So here I am, five days post op, feeling relatively miserable but happy that I finally did it. I’m wrapped in an compression garment that I have to wear 23 hours a day, it’s uncomfortable as fuck but the hour a day I take it off to shower and massage my stomach is so much worse. Half of my body is so bruised that it looks like I got trampled by the wildebeest herd that killed Mufasa, and my cats are pissed at me because I can’t risk having them step on the freshly grafted fat so I have to shut them out of the bedroom at night. I’m on two different kinds of nerve pain pills but am avoiding the temptation of the bottle of Vicodin they gave me because that shit makes me feel TOO good and opiate addiction is really not a path I’m trying to go down. And worst of all, I haven’t been able to play Black Ops 4 yet because I can’t sit in my gaming chair.

If you’ve made it this far I just wanna be clear, I do not want you to tell me “You don’t need plastic surgery” because I truly don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks I do or do not need. I did it because I wanted to. I made the decision many years ago when I got my first boob job to always be open and honest about any cosmetic treatments and procedures I got, big or small, because a) I firmly believe in removing the taboo surrounding it and think if you have the means to change something and feel better about yourself in this meaningless speck of time you have existing on this earth, you should do it, and b) I don’t want other women to look at my body with unrealistic expectations and think that it was anything other than tens of thousands of dollars worth of needles and scalpels and anesthesia and pain that got me here.

At this stage I’m too bruised and swollen to gauge the final result but from what I can see it looks great. I don’t think I’ll fully process the change I’ve made til later, it’ll probably really hit me when I go clothes shopping for the first time or when I do a photo shoot or something. I’d honestly kill someone to be able to just sit in a chair and chill right now but I can’t, so on that note I’m gonna go back to laying flat on the couch with my neck at an awkward angle and continue binge watching That 70s Show for the hundredth time.

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11 thoughts on “Beauty is Pain

  1. @Willis Chip says:

    Hang in there lady. Those poor kitty-kids of yours aren’t understanding of your pain! Can you not Twitch and watch your friends play Call Of Duty at least? They say Kenny Rogers in his prime would get a lipo every year so he could eat whatever he wanted! The pain!! Take care and I hope someone’s checking on you from time to time. You’ll be ready for Hippie Hollow soon! Hook’em.

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  2. Mike says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I love the comment I don’t give a fuck what you think”. Hope your healing is quick and your pain is manageable.

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  3. Rachael says:

    I think it’s so great that you do what you want to your body! It is yours after all! I have followed you for YEARS and think you are such an amazing person! You have honestly got me through some really tough times and I love when you post about struggles you have because I feel like I can relate to so much of them! You’re killing it girl! You should be so proud of yourself! x

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  4. Dolly Parton once said, “If I see something saggin, laggin, or baggin I’m gonna get it nicked, tucked, or sucked”. Do what makes you happy, cause honestly you’re opinion of your appearance is the only one that matters! Have Favor pop by some Amy’s Mexican Vanilla & Catnip Toys and life will be all good!

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  5. ESBoon says:

    You do you, don’t give a flying (or otherwise) fuck about what others say. Their concern is often jealousy anyway. I also have the little pouch of fat at my bellybutton, even with defined abs I can’t seem to shift it! Liao is definitely on the cards!

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  6. Wolfjaime says:

    Hi Laura,
    Obviously insecurities are what they are, and I am glad that yours have a solution, and unfortunately a price tag. I hope when it is all said and done you will feel comfortable in your body and bruise&pain-free .
    Obviously most people think you’re beautiful, and sexy which allows you to lead the life you do. I’m not sure how I feel personally about cosmetic surgery, obviously I do think there are valid arguments for it, But like everything else it’s not good when it becomes an addiction, or it’s in excess. Not saying you are there yet at all and obviously you know your own weaknesses and therefore not taking the Vicodin.
    Hope you get to enjoy your gaming chair soon and that your Gatos Hermanos can bug the hell out of you
    I think your blog’s honesty and also your writing skills are great
    Wishing you a speedy recovery

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  7. ikenna951 says:

    Honestly the way I see it….we’ve only got one life. And very short one at that so why not do what we can do to makes ourselves happy and feel better. I’m proud of you. Wish you speedy recovery. Get back on BO4 soon! 😁

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